The Life We Almost Had Read online

  “Hey.”

  I hear the soft voice behind me. I don’t know if it’s directed at me, but I turn, all the same. And when I get all the way around, I stop, and I meet her gaze. And immediately, my heart slams against my chest.

  She smiles, and her eyes instantly falter to the dirt gathered around her short cowboy boots.

  A wave of panic surges through my veins. I attempt to speak, but the words don’t come. So, I clear my throat and try again.

  “Hi,” I say.

  I try to lean back against the tailgate, but I’m a little farther away from it than I thought, and I fall against it instead.

  Her smile deepens, while I steady myself, and this time, I simply concentrate on blocking out the sun from my eyes and staring back at her. I figure I can’t screw that up.

  She’s gorgeous, and she sure doesn’t look as if she fits into this little town. In fact, she looks as if she just walked right off of a billboard. She’s wearing a dress that moves with the breeze. And her hair is long and in waves, while her body curves in all the right places, but right now, I can’t leave her smile.

  She lowers her face, and my mind floats back down to the dirt and dusty gravel we’re standing on.

  “Um ... how ... uh,” I start to say, but then I realize I’m just rambling, so I stop.

  I watch her tuck a strand of her dark blond hair behind her ear. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was nervous, too.

  “Do you know Natalie Cueto?” she asks.

  I nod and grab the back of my neck. “Yeah,” I say. “Yeah, I do.”

  She shrugs her narrow shoulders, but she holds her pretty gaze in mine. There’s a pair of big sunglasses on her head. I’m thankful they’re not covering up her eyes.

  “Well, I know her, too,” she says.

  I know I can’t hide the little lines on my forehead, giving away my confusion.

  She takes a long, steady breath in, and then she carefully lets it go. “We’re cousins,” she says.

  I keep my eyes on her. I’m trying to figure out if she’s telling me the truth. But then, why would she lie about that? I just can’t believe it. How have I never seen this girl here before? Beauty doesn’t hide too well around here.

  “Cousins?” I say.

  She bobs her head.

  “No shit,” I mumble, rocking back on my heels.

  She laughs a little and then bites the side of her bottom lip. And with that action, my heart surges in my chest.

  God, if I’m dreaming ...

  “Iva.” Natalie yells from across the street, and our attention shifts to the voice.

  Iva. Iva. Iva. I echo her name in my mind. And before I know it, Natalie is planting her feet right between me and her, not even paying any attention to me.

  “I was wondering where you wandered off to,” she says to Iva.

  I suck in some air and fiddle with the bill of my cap, trying not to look too nervous.

  “Oh,” Natalie says, noticing me, right before she sets her sights back on the beautiful blonde. “You’ve met Berlin.”

  “Uh, yeah, I have,” Iva says, smiling back at me.

  I brace myself better against the tailgate; I’m starting to feel lightheaded.

  “Well, you ready?” Natalie asks her.

  Iva’s smile trails off, along with her gaze, for just a brief moment.

  “It was nice seeing you, Berlin,” she says. Her voice is sober, all of a sudden. “Just don’t go getting yourself into any trouble with that hammer.”

  Immediately, I find her blue-gray eyes, and I feel my head slightly cocking to the side.

  “You remember?” I ask.

  Natalie looks at me, as if she’s lost ... or as if she thinks I am. And I can tell Iva wants to say something. Her pink lips part, but the words never come.

  The moment starts to get awkward, and Natalie hasn’t stopped staring at me as if I have rats in the attic. I stand up straighter. “Uh, my name,” I clarify. “You remember my name.”

  Iva gives me a satisfied smile. “Of course.”

  I feel my own grin slowly start to turn up.

  “It’s a pretty extraordinary name,” she adds.

  My eyes go to my shoes, as I nod. “Yeah.”

  She’s quiet then, and I take the moment to glance up at her. She’s looking down at the toes of her cowboy boots now.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Natalie asks, jolting me out of my stare and giving me a weird look. “I said your name, like, two seconds ago. She’s not an idiot. She’s gonna remember your name from two seconds ago.”

  I laugh and bob my head. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  In the meantime, Iva’s gaze has found mine. Those eyes—the color of rain. “It’s nice seeing you too, Iva,” I say. “And I won’t get into any trouble.” I gesture back toward the hammer on my truck. “I’ll be careful.”

  Her knife-like stare cuts into mine almost as if she’s tattooing her name onto the whites of my eyes.

  “You remember, too,” she says.

  It’s not a question. And somehow, I know it’s not about her name.

  “Well, you’ve got a pretty extraordinary name, yourself,” I say.

  And that’s when I lose some time. Maybe just a couple seconds. Maybe longer. All I know is that there were thoughts—a lot of them. What am I supposed to do now? I feel like kissing her. Would it be completely crazy if I were to just kiss her, right here? What is she thinking?

  Damn, she’s beautiful.

  I want her.

  I want all of her.

  “Ugh. What is wrong with you two?” Natalie looks at me and rolls her eyes. “Berlin, she’s off limits. You hear me?”

  Iva seems as if she tries to hold back a rebellious grin.

  “Come on, Iva. Jenny’s waiting.”

  “Wait, how long are you in town?” I ask.

  Iva turns back toward me. “A week.”

  “A week,” I repeat, trying not to show how happy I am to hear that.

  “Well, what are you doing tonight?” I ask.

  She shrugs her shoulders.

  “We’re going to Chester’s,” Natalie calls out over her shoulder. “And I guess we’ll be seeing you there then, too?”

  I try unsuccessfully to keep my wild smirk at bay. “Yeah. Yeah, you just might.”

  “Yeah, well, just keep your paws off my beautiful cousin, Elliot. I’m warning you.” Natalie gives me a devilish look before pulling on Iva’s arm.

  Iva’s lips edge up once more before she turns to leave. And my sister’s nagging voice rings in my head, telling me not to look at her ass. But I quickly shake that off, and I look at her ass. Then I force out a long, slow breath and sit back against the bumper of my truck.

  “You okay?”

  I look up, and Doug’s on the loading dock, standing behind a cart full of lumber.

  “Yeah,” I say, quickly straightening up. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  He lifts an eyebrow. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

  I think about it, and then I nod once. “Yeah,” I say. “Something like that.”

  And without another word exchanged between us, I climb into my truck. “She sure isn’t an angel,” I mumble under my breath, smiling to myself.

  Chapter Three

  I Didn’t

  Present

  Berlin

  “Why are we here again?”

  “I don’t know,” I say. “For something different, I guess.”

  I don’t look at Isaac, but I know he’s staring at me funny. “Something different?”

  I take a drink of my beer.

  “More like something underage,” he says, leaning his back against the wood paneling that makes up the wall. “I haven’t been here in years.”

  His eyes skirt around the little room. It’s a restaurant during the day, but at night, it’s more of a hangout for anybody in Channing who’s under the age of twenty-one. They’re known to serve alcohol to minors here. The owners’ kids sneak it to
their friends and then their friends sneak it to their friends; it’s that kind of thing. And since nothing’s really come of it, everybody just turns a blind eye. The big assumption is that all the adults would rather the kids be here than in the next town over, getting into even bigger trouble.

  “Who is she?”

  I stop scanning the room and force my attention to him. Isaac and I have been friends since I moved here about five years ago. I guess you could say he’s my best friend—since my other good friend had to go and marry my sister and then break her heart. Isaac’s crazy, too, though. But, I guess, who isn’t? And he might have the sense of a rabid squirrel at times, but he does have a good heart, and anyway, he might as well be family now; we’ve been through a lot together.

  “Who?” I finally ask.

  “The girl you’re looking for. The reason why we’re here.”

  My glance turns down to the scuffed wood floor. “Who says I’ve gotta be looking for a girl?”

  “Well, are you looking for a guy then?”

  I hold back a smile, as I take another swig of my beer and swallow it down. “Fine. I’m looking for a girl.”

  “Who is she?”

  “You don’t know her.”

  “Of course I do. I know everybody here.”

  “No, you know every girl here.”

  He tilts his head to the side. “That ain’t a lie.”

  He keeps looking at me after that, so I feel the need to say something—just to get him to stop looking at me. “It’s Natalie’s cousin.”

  “Iva?”

  My eyes dart to his.

  “Easy, buddy, I’ve just heard about her,” he says, lifting his hands in defense. “I don’t know her know her, if that’s what’s got your nuts in a bunch.”

  I let go of an unsteady breath.

  “Everybody’s been talking about her; that’s all.”

  “Like who?”

  “Like, Russell, up at the machine shed. Jim, Nick, Darrell ...”

  “Okay, okay,” I say, shaking my head, “you can stop.”

  “What? I’m just sayin’. She’s quite the talk of the town.” He takes a swig of his own beer and then sets it down onto a ledge on the wall. “I mean, come on. A pretty girl we ain’t never seen before walks into town. I’m just sayin’, you probably need to get in line.”

  I’m about to open my mouth, but then I see her.

  She’s with Natalie, at the door. She walks in with a smile on her face—as if she’s not at all uncomfortable—as if she belongs here or something. I notice her little, red dress first. It’s short and tight. And I don’t know what I want to do more—put my arms around her or find some kind of coat or something to cover her up with. I can feel all the lustful looks from here. I know exactly what all these minors in here are thinking, and it’s making my blood boil.

  “Earth to Ber-lin ...”

  “Yeah, what?” I try to look at Isaac, but I can’t tear my stare away from her.

  “Now that she’s here, can we just get ‘em and go? This place makes me feel like I’m in a daycare. I don’t even feel right talkin’ to anybody in here. Plus, everybody keeps staring at us, and it’s freaking me out.”

  I briefly look at Isaac; there’s a question hanging in my eyes.

  “They are,” he says. “Look for yourself.” He gestures toward the rest of the room.

  I look up, and several gazes quickly cast down to the floor.

  “And anyway, what if she’s thirteen or somethin’?” he asks, going back to his original point. He’s suspiciously eyeing a girl now.

  “Like that one,” he says, flippantly pointing toward a brunette in the corner of the room. “That girl ain’t eighteen. Nope. That’s it.” He takes a drink and then sets his bottle down. “I’ve gotta get out of here before I get into some kind of unwanted trouble.” He takes a hurried step toward the door. “I’ll take the wanted kind, but I don’t do the unwanted kind, if you know what I mean,” he says, looking back at me.

  I watch him breeze right by Natalie and walk out the door. And with that, I set my bottle down on the ledge next to his and make my way to the two girls.

  “Berlin,” Natalie says. She wears a big smile as she says my name. I can tell she’s already had a drink ... or two. “You’re here. You weren’t lying.”

  “No,” I say, as she gives me a quick hug. And as soon as I can, I look to Iva. Her eyes are already on me, and I damn near lose my words.

  “Hi, again.”

  “Hi,” she says.

  “Did I just see Isaac run out of here just now?” Natalie asks.

  “Uh, yeah, he’s, um, just having a hard time with some math, that’s all.”

  Both girls look at me as if I’m talking gibberish, but I expected that.

  “So, I know you guys just got here, but would you maybe want to try something else tonight?” I ask.

  “Like what?” Natalie chimes in. She’s got a curious look in her big, round eyes.

  “Well, I was just thinking about opening up the shed tonight.”

  “Really?” Natalie exclaims. She claps her hands together.

  “Yeah, I thought it might be a good night.”

  “But it’s not Saturday,” she says.

  I shake my head. “But Friday’s just as good a reason as Saturday, I guess.”

  Natalie turns to Iva. “Do you mind? I promise you’ll have more fun there than here.”

  Iva shrugs and then smiles. “Yeah, why not?”

  Natalie squeals and then pulls Iva’s arm back toward the door. And I follow them out.

  Outside, Isaac is talking to a girl. He was right to leave. This place is trouble for him.

  I walk behind him and whisper a number.

  He looks at me, then at the girl and then back at me.

  “Sixteen?” he shouts in my direction.

  I nod as I’m walking away.

  “No way!” he yells back.

  “Way,” I say, still following after the two girls.

  “Are you sixteen?” I hear him ask the girl.

  I don’t hear what she says, but fifteen seconds later, his shoes are leaving prints in the dirt behind ours.

  I eye him up once he’s shoulder to shoulder with me.

  “Sixteen,” he says, lowering his head in defeat.

  I don’t say anything. I know I don’t have to.

  “Natalie, why can’t I tell how old they are?” he asks her.

  “It is hard, Ize,” Natalie says. “I can see how her conversations about curfews and cliques can get you all confused. I mean, maybe she spent some time in a Kansas state prison, right? How could you know?”

  Iva laughs, and I laugh, too.

  “She could have,” Isaac says. “You never know.”

  I like Natalie. Natalie’s sharp. But Isaac has been dating her off and on since the sixth grade, so she’s always been off limits. And I’m okay with that. She’s good for Isaac, even though they happen to be off now. But then, I don’t know the difference between off and on anymore—and I don’t think they know, either. It all just kind of blends together after a while. I think everybody, including me, just considers them a couple.

  “So, Iva, right?” Isaac asks.

  “Right,” she says, in her sure, smooth voice.

  “How you likin’ corntown?”

  Her lips curve into a sweet smile. “It’s nice.”

  “Where are you from, anyway?” he asks her.

  Before Iva can get a word out, Natalie’s speaking for her. “She goes to school in Kansas City. She’s not used to backwoods parties like this, so just ... try to act normal tonight, okay Isaac?”

  Isaac flashes Natalie a challenging look, while Iva and I trade amused glances.

  “So, Iva,” Isaac says, changing the subject, “I have a hunch that you’re the reason why Berlin and I are here tonight.” He plops his hand down hard onto my shoulder.

  Iva shifts her curious stare in my direction.

  I really try hard not to turn
red.

  “Well, how you likin’ him?” he asks her.

  “Isaac,” I bark.

  “What? It was just a question. I didn’t mean any harm by it.”

  “He’s not so bad, either,” Iva says, glancing up at me through her long eyelashes.

  That’s it. I lose my damn mind with that. Her look is like that look somebody gets right before you dare them to do something, and they’re just about to do it.

  “Wow.” Isaac sounds surprised. “Well, there you go.” He pats me on the shoulder again and then drops a not-so-subtle whisper near my ear: “Looks like you just got promoted to the front of the line.”

  I try not to grin like a five-year-old kid opening his first slot car racetrack, even though I want to and even though my heart is about to race out of my damn chest.

  “Where are we going anyway?” Isaac asks.

  “I’m opening the shed tonight,” I say.

  “You are?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah, well, it seems like a good night for it,” I say, trying to make eye contact with him, so he shuts up. It doesn’t work, though. He never looks up at me.

  “Well, nobody’s gonna be there,” he says. “You didn’t tell anybody. People know the shed’s gonna be open on Saturday. Nobody knows it’s gonna be open tonight.”

  “They’ll be there,” I say, stopping at my truck.

  He stops, too, and rests his hand on his belt, like he’s thinking. “Okay, okay,” he finally says, pulling out his phone, as if he’s just solved world hunger or something. “I guess I’ll send out a mass text, and we’ll see who shows up.”

  At that, my attention falls back to the girls. Secretly, I don’t give a damn who shows up, if anyone. The only person I wanted to see tonight is already standing right in front of me.

  “So, you guys want to ride with me?” I ask.

  “Yeah, can we?” Natalie shoots me an excited look.

  “Sure, we can all fit,” I say.

  Isaac opens the passenger door and gestures for Iva to get in. She does, and I watch her scoot to the center. I pray a silent prayer that there’s not enough room and she has to squeeze next to me.

  “All right,” Isaac says, climbing into the truck next.