My Butterfly Read online

  I made my first hundred feet up the path without much trouble, even though every once in a while I had to maneuver over a fallen tree limb or carve my on trail through some overgrown weeds.

  “You still okay?” I heard her ask after I had just successfully scaled a pile of brush.

  “Oh,” I said, stopping for a second. “You’re still there?”

  She laughed and tightened her arms around my neck. I felt Furballs press up against my ear as I started up the path again. The truth was my feet were starting to feel heavy and my quads burned like hell, but this was a bet I wasn’t going to lose.

  Finally, I could see the clearing at the top of the bluff. And there were only about a hundred feet to go, but each step was beginning to take everything in me.

  I heard Julia’s soft laughter behind me again.

  “Will,” she said. “I’ll just walk. It’s okay.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m fine. We do hills like this all the time in basketball conditioning.”

  She laughed again.

  “You run up bluffs, Will,” she sarcastically said, “with people on your back?”

  I stopped for a second.

  “Well, we might as well,” I said, trying my best to laugh through the pain.

  I took another labored step. I was only about ten feet away now and feeling every foot. But just then, my shoe caught a root or something, and I tried to catch myself but didn’t have the energy. I stumbled and realized I was heading right for the ground. Seconds later, I heard her scream or laugh or something, and the next thing I knew, we were in a pile in the dirt.

  “Aah,” I sighed, exhaustedly thrusting my head back against the ground. “I almost made it.”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked. “You did make it.”

  I could barely move, but I forced my head out of the dirt and grass and looked up. We were in a clearing, and I could see downtown below us and all its people walking every which way. I must have fallen the rest of the way.

  I met her eyes, and she kissed my lips.

  “Thanks, sweetie,” she said, giving me the most perfect smile.

  I squeezed my arms around her with the little strength I had left, and then I kissed her forehead.

  “Told ya I’d make it,” I proudly said.

  She smiled and playfully rolled her eyes.

  “Did Furballs make it?” I asked.

  I watched as her eyes made a circle around us. Then, eventually, they stopped. And within the next second, she was out of my arms and moving toward the edge of the bluff.

  I slowly pushed myself up from the ground and watched her secure her ugly cat again. She had dirt on the side of her little jean shorts, and I think there was a twig in her hair, but she still looked beautiful. I sat there for another second watching her dust off Furballs. Then, I got up and grabbed the quilt from the ground and made my way back from the edge a little.

  I tossed some twigs and some little rocks out of the way. Then, I stretched the blanket out over the grass and dirt, sat down and caught Jules peering out over the edge.

  This bluff was probably the highest point in town. Down by the river and on this side of the levee, people danced around little, brick buildings and short, narrow streets. The Fourth of July had always brought people downtown. Otherwise, this part of town was pretty quiet, except for maybe when there was a state game playing at the little theater or when the river was extra high and people couldn’t stand not to come out and stare at it.

  And now, even though we were pretty high up and the evening was quickly turning to night, I guessed Jules was still finding things to look at because she had been lost in the scene below us for a good while now. Then again, I guessed she was good at that too—good at always getting lost in little things. Her head seemed as if it were always churning out little thoughts.

  I smiled at the thought and then lowered my eyes and noticed the edge of the quilt sticking up. I leaned over and pulled it back. There was a twig underneath, so I tossed it to the side.

  “You need some help with that?”

  I looked up and found her eyes on me. I smiled and shook my head.

  “Now you ask, after all the work’s done, as usual, my dear,” I answered her.

  A playful side-smile hung on my lips.

  She gave me her best pouting face and threw her hands on her hips.

  I, on the other hand, made a quick decision to take full advantage of the moment and get a good look at her. Her hair was down and fell in waves against the sides of her face. And she was wearing a tight tank top and jean shorts, and at the bottom of her long, tan legs, were her favorite, little boat shoes. She called them something else, but I was pretty sure, in the end, they were just plain old boat shoes. Though, somehow, she still managed to look as cute as hell in them.

  “Get over here, pretty girl,” I demanded then.

  I watched her saunter over to me, her playful smile growing. And when she got close enough, I reached up, scooped her into my arms and fell back against the quilt and the soft earth.

  “How much longer do we have?” she asked, nuzzling her head into my chest.

  “Oh, probably about a couple more minutes,” I said, squeezing her closer still.

  “Sing to me then,” she said.

  She pulled her head back and found my stare just as a smile was forcing its way to my lips.

  “What do you want me to sing?” I asked.

  “A song about us,” she said, tracing with her delicate fingertips the places around my eyes and nose and then lips.

  “Okay then,” I eventually said, slowly nodding my head.

  Satisfied, I guessed, she rested her head back onto my chest, and I watched pieces of her hair fall over her sun-kissed shoulder as she made herself comfortable. Then, my mind went to stringing together some words for her song. And when I had them, I brought my lips closer to her ears and whispered her a melody:

  “Though you’d rather watch a sappy ending

  Than a football game

  And you’re not very good at fleeing the scene

  Without a sprain,

  I wouldn’t want it any other way

  I’m yours forever, My Butterfly

  So, looks like you’re stuck with me

  ‘Til the end of time.”

  When I finished singing, she was laughing.

  “How romantic,” she exclaimed.

  There was sarcasm in her voice.

  “I wrote it myself—just for you,” I proudly said.

  “Thanks. I’ll just do some creative interpreting, I guess,” she said, meeting my eyes before returning to her place on my chest.

  “But seriously, though, minus those passionate words, you can really get a girl’s attention,” she said. “You should sing, you know, for people, as a career. You’ve got a gift. You can’t hide it forever.”

  I raised my head off the ground again.

  “Why can’t I?” I asked.

  She met my gaze. Her long eyelashes batted impatiently.

  I saw an opportunity to kiss her pretty forehead, so I did. She smiled but seemed to stay focused on her mission.

  “Because someday, somewhere, somebody’s gonna find out. Then what are you going to do?” she asked.

  “Easy,” I said. “Tell them I’ve got everything I need right here.”

  I squeezed my arms tighter around her little body.

  “Wouldn’t it be a dream come true though?” she asked. “Plus, you would be doing the world a severe injustice if you didn’t.”

  I quietly chuckled to myself.

  “Mine is a far simpler dream, my sweet Jules,” I whispered into her ear.

  “See what I mean with that voice; I almost believed you,” she said, softly laughing.

  “Jules, trust me,” I said. “My life’s a dream already. I don’t need to go chasin’ somethin’ somewhere else.”

  She paused before she spoke again.

  “You haven’t even thought about it just once?” she aske
d.

  I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

  “Not once,” I said.

  “But you like singing, right?” she asked.

  I traced the little lines in the green part of her eyes for a few seconds. Then, I kissed her lips to slow down her thoughts.

  She was smiling when I pulled away from her.

  “All right, my little Hollywood agent,” I said. “I’ve got you, and that’s all the fan I ever wanted.”

  She tried to put on another one of those pouting faces she keeps in that little expressions box of hers, but she wasn’t quite successful at it. Her smile never really went away.

  I intertwined my fingers in hers. Then, suddenly, I felt something wrapped around her finger, and I brought her hand closer to my face to get a better look at it.

  She must have noticed me examining her hand because I felt her eyes on me again.

  “Funny story about that little, grass ring,” she said.

  I started to smile.

  “Oh, really?” I asked. “Let’s hear it.”

  “Okay,” she said.

  I noticed her eyes travel back to the ring on her finger.

  “See, one night, this boy and his buddies decided to take this girl and her best friend—practically as hostages—to this old windmill at the edge of town.”

  “Hostages?” I asked.

  Her smile grew as she nodded her head and continued.

  “Evidentially, the boy had a plan to dress up like Spider-Man and to climb said windmill to fool all the townspeople into thinking that Spider-Man was alive and well in their own town.”

  “Hey, I bet some people still believe it,” I said.

  She stopped and playfully rolled her eyes.

  “Anyway, that same night, in the shuffle of almost getting caught, I sprained my ankle and wound up hiding from Officer Brian on the other side of a mound of dirt and grass next to, who other than, Spider-Man himself.”

  I angled my head back and laughed.

  “Baby, I still don’t know how you managed to sprain your ankle,” I said.

  I heard her giggle.

  “I don’t know either,” she said, shaking her head. “But anyway, this boy or Spider-Man made me this grass ring,” she said, eyeing the ring again. “And right there in the grass and the dirt, he asked me to marry him someday.”

  I was quiet and busy trying to fight back a wide smile after she had finished her story.

  “That sounds made up,” I eventually said.

  She lifted her head and met my gaze.

  “But I have the ring to prove it,” she said, positioning her hand so that the ring was clearly in my view.

  “So, you do,” I said, bringing her hand to my lips.

  I kissed the ring and the finger it was on.

  Then, suddenly, a loud thud forced both of our eyes to the river where a stream of reds, whites and blues were already sprinkling the night sky and lighting up the bluffs opposite us in the distance.

  Julia giggled and pressed her hips against mine. I pulled her closer and watched the next firework race to the sky and then explode into tiny, little pieces of light. Jules squealed, and I felt her arm squeeze tighter around my side as she nestled her head deeper into the muscles in my chest. My eyes fell onto her face, and I smiled and noticed a piece of her long hair resting on her cheek. I picked up the strand and then gently laid it back down onto her bare shoulder. It was hard to just simply watch the fireworks because I couldn’t stop thinking about what I wanted to tell her—what I had wanted to tell her for a long time now. Suddenly, there was another loud shriek, followed by a big thud and a colorful burst of light in the sky again. Jules looked up at me with wide eyes and a happy smile, and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

  “I love you, Jules,” I said, in almost a whisper.

  She was quiet, and her smile was starting to fade, but her eyes were still on me, still locked in mine.

  My heart sped up. Say something, anything. I watched her eyes trace a path in mine. I wondered if she had even heard me. But then, I saw her lips fall slightly open.

  “I love you too,” she whispered.

  Her eyes smiled before her lips did. Then, she returned her head to my chest and her attention to the lights still dancing in the night’s sky.

  My heart was pounding. I bet she could feel its thuds. I wanted to shout something, but I didn’t want to scare her or cause her to move from the exact place she was resting on my chest. So this was what I love you felt like. I started to replay all the days and all the moments and all the memories I had of Julia Lang. My grin widened as I realized that each moment involved me being in complete awe of her and her not even knowing it. God, I loved this girl, and I bet she still didn’t even know how much.

  “Will,” I heard her soft voice say then.

  “Hmm?” I asked.

  “Will you sing me another song?”

  “What about?” I asked.

  “About us,” she said.

  I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Okay,” I said, taking a second to think.

  I gathered the words and then whispered into her ear another melody, but this time, it was soft and low:

  “Little girl, little boy

  If love has a way

  Fill their fields with laughter

  And scatter the sun on their day

  And if it should happen to rain

  Make their raindrops kisses

  Straight from heaven above

  That touch their hands and faces

  And that fill them with love

  And make the moon reflect their smiles

  And their stars plenty

  And, above all, keep them together

  And hold them as you may

  Forever and ever

  Until their last days.”

  She squeezed her arms tighter around my side when my lips stopped singing her song.

  “It’s perfect,” she said.

  I watched for a second as her eyelashes followed the path the fireworks made from the barge in the river to the heavens. Then, I kissed the top of her head, pulled her hips closer to mine and smiled.

  Chapter Eight

  Senior Year

  I heard a knock at the door just as I was signing my name to the last page of paperwork.

  “Come on in,” I said.

  I heard the door push open, and I took a quick glance back.

  “Hey, babe,” I said, setting down the pen and flipping through the healthy stack of pages.

  “Hey,” I heard her say, making her way over to me.

  And within seconds, I felt her arms wrap around my neck and her weight press down onto my shoulders.

  “Whatcha’ workin’ on?” she asked.

  My hands left the pages and found a spot to rest on her arms, and I reached up and kissed her.

  “Oh, just filling out forms for the fire department,” I said. “Even if you’re a volunteer, it requires an autobiography, evidently.”

  I heard her take a deep breath as she pushed off of my shoulders.

  “Can I have some water?” she asked.

  I turned in my chair and watched her make her way into the kitchen and pull out a glass from the cabinet. She filled the glass with water from the faucet and took a drink. I smiled at her when her eyes finally met mine again, but her lips only slightly turned up.

  “What’s wrong, Jules?” I asked.

  She took another deep breath, then set the glass down onto the counter and walked back over to me. My eyes followed her as she fell into the chair next to mine and began to study my face.

  “You really want to be a firefighter?” she asked.

  Her question made me pause. Yesterday, when I had told her that I had driven by the fire station and the thought had just sort of overtaken me, she seemed happy for me.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it before. At least, then I could have gotten Counselor Old Fart off my back a lot sooner.�
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  She seemed to be tracing the lines in my eyes, until she eventually nodded her head.

  “It’s just so…,” she started.

  I furrowed my brows and tilted my head.

  “So?” I asked.

  I watched as she took another deep breath.

  “So what, Jules?” I asked again. “You seemed fine with it yesterday.”

  “I know,” she said. “It’s just so dangerous, you know?”

  My eyes settled on hers, and I started to smile.

  “Jules, it’s not that dangerous,” I said. “And, you know, it’s me. Jules, you know I’m not the type of guy who can sit in an office all day. Hell, I can hardly sit through a class.”

  A soft, guarded laugh fell from her lips, but then her smile went limp again.

  “It’s just…,” she started and then stopped.

  My eyes stayed on her expression, even though I couldn’t read even the slightest part of it. Her eyes, on the other hand, were turned down toward the floor. Then, it finally dawned on me. I sat back in my chair and took a deep breath.

  “It’s just that future lawyers who are future presidents don’t date future firefighters,” I said, crossing my arms.

  I felt my expression turning cold, as her eyes quickly shot up at me, and her sad stare seemed to grow annoyed.

  “That’s what it really is, isn’t it?” I asked in a firm tone.

  She was quiet.

  I knew it. I should have known. If I could be a lawyer or a doctor, maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t. But I knew how the world worked even so, and I should have known that girls with ambitions like Julia Lang didn’t stick around long with guys like me.

  I watched as her eyes narrowed into little, cat-like slits.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked.

  “Just say it, Jules,” I said. “You want a doctor or a lawyer or some senator or someone who’s smart enough to cure cancer and who makes six figures and who can take you to fancy parties and buy you everything you want.”

  I paused for a second and swallowed hard before continuing.

  “Well, that’s just not gonna happen with me, Jules,” I said. “That’s not in my stars. I’m just a small-town, country boy, and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

  Then, I pushed up fast from my chair. Its wooden legs scooted across the floor hard and made a loud, unpleasant sound. Her eyes were still narrowed on me and were now piercing my thick skin. I kept my own eyes on her for a second longer, and then I darted toward the back door and pushed hard through it.